By:  Forest Dunaetz

If you know me your first question would probably be “when did you become and expert on relationships?”  A fair question to be sure.  So let’s remember, I’m not an expert, just dealing with life, love and all the happiness and challenges that come with the whole package.
In high school, still confused about sexuality issues, I dated a couple women and went to the prom.  In college, I began experimenting with other men, but still chose to marry a lovely woman.  There were good and difficult experiences in that time, I learned a lot, and after about 4 years, we divorced.
I will say that I am glad for those years, as the good far out-weighed the difficulties, and if I learned one thing from my marriage, and then my future relationships with men, it is that love is love, problems are problems, and whether with a man or a woman, the only real difference is when it comes down to sex.  No I won’t be giving all those details at this time!
Since then, there have been a small handful of longer term, (my definition is more than a year), relationships with men.  I really came out a bit late, in my mid 20’s, but I’m thankful I got with the program and began to explore the real me with more intensity.  There was also another-well let’s just say larger handful of partners, friends, weekend, or quicker partners throughout those times between relationships.  I am now happy to say that I am in a 16 year relationship with my partner Matthew.  He is loving, caring, warm, funny and sometimes, frustrating and aggravating.  After several years of a commuting relationship, we began living together full time, and soon realized, that as in any relationship, there were more issues to deal with: compromise, support, forgiveness and health issues to name a few.  We worked at it, and eventually began counseling to deal with the rest.  I believe the sessions gave us tools and ideas to take home and work with, in order to improve our relationship together.  We do laugh more now, than ever!
Sadly there are some further issues in a gay relationship.  One is stigma and another is public awareness.  Should people know about us?  Is it safe to hold hands on the street?  Should we marry?  Do we even really want to?  Or just have the equal right to do so?  As I believe we all should have!  Matthew and I are lucky to have, loving and supportive families, and several close friends as well.  We also deal with; living with AIDS and the multitude of issues, fears, problems, concerns, medicines, depression, and sometimes even hopes that come with the virus.  Obviously you do not have to be gay to get HIV, and perhaps we can dwell on this further in another article.
I would like to conclude by saying that a relationship can be most wonderful, but do not expect it to always be easy.  It requires work, support, laughter, compromise, tears, persistence, and of course love.  Yes sex is important too, though that can also change over time and with age.  If you can find all this, and continue to work toward the good parts, while dealing with and minimizing the difficult times, then you are well on your way to having a good partner and real love.  If it seems challenging and you love them, try harder!  Good luck!
Forrest Dunaetz
Frontline Director
775-240-2569