As I fill my eyes with sights of happy pedestrians on our walkways, a warm sun on my face and beautiful blue skies (the pre-mature spring fever), I think of me, last year, at this time. I was in a whole different space. Content- yes, happy-sure, in a relationship-yup, knowing me-I was half way there. I can’t say that there has been a time in my life where I’ve been as aware and present as I am today in this body. I guess that’s a feeling I’ll have more of, as each day passes. Wiser and wiser each time I wake.

What comes with the growth of me is a changed love. That love that I used to know took a little turn. I fell in love with her (and her and her and her) body, her mind and her energy. When I fell, I would invest in that person like they were the best stock on the market. In doing so, I sacrificed my own needs. I like them strong in themselves, but what I was lacking was strength in my own self to demand a common respect, a true partnership.

The next time I fall and commit, there has got to be more. More than just an amazing admiration or a one sided dedication. I want a partnership with a push and pull, a give and take, a plentiful balance. I want to discover what that person needs and I want them to understand my needs too. A connection behind the beauty we see in the mirror or hear in our ear.

A partnership doesn’t mean having dinner on the table when she gets home from work…or does it? Can it only be defined by a few actions? To me it means knowing that your lover has your back and you hers (and the front for that matter). It can mean high fives and body lifts because your ass just got a promotion and she helped in lifting that confidence to get you there. It can mean, you driving through the night to get back home just so you can feel the warmth of her body, because you know she’s your safety and you know that she’d do the same. It’s about understanding, a fair playing field, and sometimes, sacrifices.

The fever is coming back around. She’s shining in my eyes. She’s walked passed me 7 times already since I’ve written this. Will I stop her in her tracks to melt again with her lips? Will I break my own barriers of fear to attempt that bliss? I’ll walk that line again sometime with love future. I’ll walk it stronger, longer and harder, because we’ll be partners.